Sound of Silence by Paul Simon"Wednesday | ||||
| To all intents and purposes my world, the world that was me ended
when my mom died and the dreams I had are only dreams, they do not comfort
in the night. There is no one to give me an anchor to a universe that is
mine. I feel as if there is no place for me, nowhere that I belong. Place
is a state of being and mine is alone, and right now I only long for someone
to take away the pain, to share it with me, to let me lean on them, to make
the decisions and just care for me. I don't know where I belong, though I
know I cannot stay here. Too much is here, too much that hurts. My father
had a stroke in my arms here and I lost him 3 weeks later. I found what
I needed here, I was content though not perhaps happy, but I didn't feel alone here. I had my job, but I also lost that here.
I lost my mother here, and
now writing poetry is a struggle, where before it could express
my dreams and pain, I cannot seem to find the words now. Perhaps
I have not lost it, but it seems to me I have, at least the poetry that helped
me through all my loneliness. Perhaps one day I will find it again, I do
not know, but now, if I sleep at night, I wake to an empty world where once
there lived my life, my dreams, and my hopes. No man is an island, but
I feel I am, an island without shores that the sea never reaches. I have no one close with whom to talk now. I see each
day the soul of me and it is empty and it is that emptiness that seems to
fill my poetry, perhaps that is why I feel I can't write, because though
my poetry has mostly been sad and lonely, it was written with hope for the
future, hope I no longer see.
There are no more poems within her heart
The universe that is all she might be
Lady she wished for a Knight that she dreamed
Deep in her soul all she long ached to be,
And curled in the deepest corner of mind RAC 7-4-99
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